Las Vegas
 
Still moving
After all of those years
Trapped on film
In motion.
Pictures of a youthfulness
That has long since
Run away, with your fear
Of a black room.
Late into the night I sit
Watching pictures of the same movies,
Watching pictures of an old you
Trapped in re-run
And a slave to slow-mo,
There’s nothing I can do
To stop my memories
In a time, that has long forgotten you.
Keeping visions of my yesterdays,
Of my yesteryears,
Close to me, close to my heart,
But the memories still shine through
With hurt and pain,
With a feeling of loss,
Without you.
Late into the night I sit
Watching pictures of the same movies,
Watching pictures of a young me,
Watching pictures of an old you.
Watching pictures,
It’s how I remember.
Watching pictures.
I remember you
But now you’re lost
And trapped in re-runs
And a slave to slow-mo.
And the memories hurt.
There’s nothing I can do
To change my yesterdays,
To change our yesteryears.
We’re just slaves together,
But trapped apart,
And I remember you
In Las Vegas
As the reel stops.

Sin

 
Sell me other dreams
Perhaps ones in which
I can believe.
And I’m watching
As my rain falls.
And I’m waiting
For the veil to disappear.

 
Sell me gifts
Of silver and gold,
Objects I can feel.
Your guess
Is as good as mine
When it comes down
To the yesterdays that bind us.

 
Play games
With the other people
Buy them if that’s what you want
I won’t try to stop you
But that doesn’t mean
I’m still going to be here
When you stop.

 
And I’m watching
As my rain falls
Cooling the heat
And I’m waiting
For the veil to disappear
So I can truly see.
But do I want to?

 
Why do I try to loose
When I could surely win?
Why live a life shamelessly
When you can get away with sin.
But do you want to?
Or is it only in your dreams.

 
I’ve paid for my shadows
And innocence only confuses my aims
I chance a look
Into the rain,
Into your games,
And I see your dollars in pockets of friends.
And I hear the words you said....again.

SIN
By A R J Abranson
04-12-92/19:46
05-05-93/11:48
(Taken from 'Wild Card Symphonies')

Purple Kisses

 Running out of things to say
As I’m heading for the sunset
And my heaven falls,
Down on me.

 
Now I’m on the wrong side,
The wrong side of heaven,
And the way I feel
Is stranger than the purple kisses
Or the gypsies gold.

 
So still,
It chills,
Turns my bones to ice.
Then I’m....
Burning up
In the shade of night.
I don’t know what’s gone wrong.

 
Looking in mirrors
And seeing different faces,
Driving me insane.
And I’m running out of time,
Running out of kisses,
But I’ve got nothing left to say.

 
I feel the ground
Beneath my feet
Going past the scale of seven,
Heading off to nine.
Is this the end that’s coming?
Is this the end so soon?

 
So this is it.
(No more purple kisses)
So this is it,
Our, final, curtain call.
No last words.
No reunions.
No last drinks
Of blood red wine.
So this is it,
With no last kisses
And no good-byes.

 
I’ve nothing left to say anymore,
My words are discarded
Like feathers and old tin cans,
Meaningless,
Like beginnings.
Meaningless,
Like ends.

So this is it.
On the wrong side of heaven.
So this is it.
Driving me insane.
So this is it.
No more purple kisses.
No more kisses at all.

 
So this is it.
Was it worth living
Knowing that it would end?
So this is it,
And I’ve run out of time,
As I pass the scale of seven
Heading off to nine,
So why do I feel
So glad?

PURPLE KISSES
By A R J Abranson
23-01-91/19:45
14-04-91/19:45
(Taken from 'Wild Card Symphonies')

A Gift

Kiss Me sweet now
With lips of deception.
You close your eyes,
So I can’t see
What lies behind them.
You never let me see.

I turn from you
And see a night,
In distant motion,
Where people dream
While others scream in comfort,
And some drink their wine.

 Dream of darkness.
Dream of passion.
Dream of freeing the beast
From where it’s caught,
In the guesthouse,
From where it waits inside.
 
My life closed twice
In the arms of different lovers,
But there’s still a chance
That I’ll live again.
There’s still the lust
That I feel inside.

They say your life is blessed
But, in truth, it’s cursed with hunger
That is never satisfied,
And don’t you wonder,
Sometimes,
Why you bleed?

 Naked and dead
In the streets of a city,
Your fingers clutching
At all you own now,
Your last possession, a gift from a lover,
Of a necklace of blood.
 
Now life is elsewhere,
If living was what you did,
And you can tell your lies in silence,
If silence is what you receive.
No more kisses will be given
From your lips the colour of wine.

A GIFT
By A R J Abranson
15/16-07-91
(Taken from 'Wild Card Symphonies')

Silent Poetry
 
I want to show you reasons
Why you should stay here
I want to tell you things
That my heart wants you to know
But I can’t find the right words
To tell you that I love you
And I want you to be here.
This time may be forever
The way my heart feels
But I know it won’t be for a day
If I can’t open up and tell you
That I think you’re so special
And I can’t bear to see you leave.
When you’re not around me
I feel so alone and empty
These things scare me
Because I want to know that you’re okay
And that you are having fun
And if that makes you happy
You can have whatever you want
Just please stay in touch
And as much as I doubt it
I’ll still hold hope for tomorrow
I wish I could have shown you
I wish I could have found some words
But the poet in me was silenced
When I needed him the most.
You’re so special
But now are you really just memories
And wishes without substance
When I really need to feel
Something more.
Move over and give me some thought
I want to give you a reason
Why you should be here now
I want to let you know
What I feel inside
I want you to want to be with me
Everytime I laugh and cry
I want there to be a beginning
Because the ends are so hard
And I still love you.

SILENT POETRY
By A R J ABRANSON
31-07-95/12:01
(Taken from 'Cry To Me')
This was originally dedicated to Angela although I never sent her a copy.

Religious Pawns

Your God may never die
Whilst mine was never born
But does it really make a difference
When we all end up as pawns
Expendable for religions
Created every day.
Dreaming of an afterlife
Which is nearer than we think.

RELIGIOUS PAWNS
By A R J Abranson
31-05-94/21:50
(Taken from 'This Graveyard Heart')

Las Vegas
 
Still moving
After all of those years
Trapped on film
In motion.
Pictures of a youthfulness
That has long since
Run away, with your fear
Of a black room.
Late into the night I sit
Watching pictures of the same movies,
Watching pictures of an old you
Trapped in re-run
And a slave to slow-mo,
There’s nothing I can do
To stop my memories
In a time, that has long forgotten you.
Keeping visions of my yesterdays,
Of my yesteryears,
Close to me, close to my heart,
But the memories still shine through
With hurt and pain,
With a feeling of loss,
Without you.
Late into the night I sit
Watching pictures of the same movies,
Watching pictures of a young me,
Watching pictures of an old you.
Watching pictures,
It’s how I remember.
Watching pictures.
I remember you
But now you’re lost
And trapped in re-runs
And a slave to slow-mo.
And the memories hurt.
There’s nothing I can do
To change my yesterdays,
To change our yesteryears.
We’re just slaves together,
But trapped apart,
And I remember you
In Las Vegas
As the reel stops.

LAS VEGAS
By A R J Abranson
25-12-90/17:07
(Taken from 'Wild Card Symphonies')

System Failure
 
Damn these things that aren’t working
Leaving me hanging
Leaving me hurting
With a dance floor attitude
And a minds eye smouldering
With the side effects of hell
From a slice of heaven.

SYSTEM FAILURE
By A R J Abranson
14-06-93/13:57
(Taken from 'Cry To Me')

Spaces - MkI
 
The purity of hours
Spent playing in empty spaces
The sweetness of colours
When you’re alone in the dark,
When it should really be day.
 
The closeness of those nightmares
When you awake in a sweat
In a different bedroom
In a different bed
There’s too many empty spaces.
 
Mind the gap,
But don’t fear where to tread
Turn your eyes to heaven
With coloured intentions on your mind
And poisoned replies for your answers.

 Is it just me or is this toyhouse we live in
Getting over-crowded, getting repulsive
With the stench of sweat
Of those whose prayers
Have turned towards the Salamander
 
Through the furnace of heat
Fueled with the embers of human life
And the stupidity of those who hold the key.
I have the art of memory
And I hunger for the purity of empty spaces.

 Lunatics dance to an orchestra of screams
From a new age of holocaust
Brought about by paranoia.
Welcome to the ghost of the toyhouse
Welcome to the planet Earth.

 
SPACES - MKI
By A R J Abranson
04-01-92/22:02
(Taken from 'Wild Card Symphonies')

One By One

Listen to the hidden hours
That fall white in the rain
Hearing the breathless cables
And take a look around.
 
Forever you’ve trusted who we are
Going down the line to heaven
Driven together and given hell
But still she burns incense
Like the oil from the wells.
 
So quiet, it’s hard to hear
The sound of an assassins gun
And the death of romance
As one by one, by one,
A million hollow faces
Fall down in a corpse of tears.

One more night spent
Watching proud England fade away
As all the countries around her
Come crushing down to the floor
And everything seems....
And everything just seems....

ONE BY ONE
By A R J Abranson
26-04-92/11:10
(Taken from 'Wild Card Symphonies')

HAPPY EVER AFTER

How can you reason
With betraying yourself,
How can you justify
The dangers you let yourself take.
I know it’s not easy
But sometimes you have to put things behind you,
I know it’s not easy
But you have to do what your brain tells you is right.
I’m sorry to have to let you know,
And I’m sorry that you’ve let me go,
But you’ve got to start looking after yourself
For the sake of the “ever after”.
You’ve got to choose a path
One which will give you the least pain.
I know it’s hard to walk away
But sometimes that’s the right path to take.
I really didn’t want to let you know
But I really didn’t want to see you hurt,
I can’t bear to see pain in your eyes
But I can remember how you felt before.
I can’t believe you’re letting yourself be treated like this,
I can’t get over you can’t see through the words he whispers.
How can you let this happen
When you’ve already been warned ?
You know what’s happening
And where you stand in his game
And you seem so pleased to play,
And I just can’t believe you’re happy that way,
But the risks you take are your own
And I guess I’ll only hear how you are
Through the mouths of others
Because I can’t bear to stay around
And see you put yourself through it all again.
And I’m sorry that you’ve let me go
But you’ve got to start looking after yourself
For the sake of the “ever after”.
You’ve got to choose a path,
One which will give you the least pain,
I know it’s hard to walk away
But sometimes that’s the right path to take.

 Happy Ever After
By A R J Abranson
19/05/97- 00:21
(Previously Unpublished)

(This poem was originally written for a very close friend of mine. It never appeared in any of my compilations and to be honest I'd actually forgotten about it until a few minutes ago when I uncovered it whilst looking for a poem to post. I'm hoping to get back to posting up a poem each week again as I do realise I've been very lax with this the last few weeks. - Angus)

Guilt

Well I’ve tried
But I haven’t beaten the memories yet
I would if I could
But I can’t
Get you out of my mind
I want you to live up to yourself
I want to see you smile.

Just call my name in ecstasy
Forget my name and come next to me
I want you to get it together
And get out of my mind
To float amongst forgotten dreams
And live up to yourself and smile.

Ghosts don’t always want forgiveness
That’s a belief of a guilty mind
But if I believe your fiction
Does that mean I share your guilt?
Or am I guilty anyway
For wanting more than I have.
For wanting more than I deserve?

I don’t know why I still remember you
With the fondness that I do
There’s no reason I can think of
Unless I’m asking forgiveness
Or trying to forget such actions
That may have hurt either of us.

 Well I’ve tried
But I haven’t beaten the memories yet
I would if I could
But I can’t
Get you out of my mind
I want you to live up to yourself
I want to see you smile.

 I’ve no wish for tears
Or for another sunset
With the dead of a thousand lovers
Standing on the sand
Looking, lost and lonely
Pretending everything’s fine.

GUILT
By A R J Abranson
12-12-93/14:35
(Taken From 'Wild Card Symphonies')

Fascination Of Thought

Is it a new day
Or one we’ve already played
But lost as memory repeats.
The fascination of thought
And the oaths we swore
That we’d never again
Do what we did before.

But now it’s a new day
And we’ve forgotten promises,
Or did we ever really make
Promises?
Or is it a game
We’ve already played before
But now it’s lost
As memory repeats.
Repeats itself
Like an old black and white movie
That keeps being replayed
To an audience losing interest
In a cinema falling down.

FASCINATION OF THOUGHT
By A R J Abranson
23-05-91/16:12
(Taken from 'Wild Card Symphonies')

A Kiss Without Words

The petals are crushed

As they lie on the floor

With crowds passing over them

To whom they hold nothing

No significance at all

One drink too many

And a kiss with no words

And then a bed of momentary joy

It should have been a bed of nails

For all the pain it was worth

But I wasn’t blind

I knew what was happening

And anyway

I wanted it to

It’s not that I didn’t love you

Or I really didn’t care

I got carried away on emotion

Feelings that I should know by now

But then nothings that simple

Or that black and white

And I’m sorry if I brought you tears

But now we’re both older

And perhaps we’re both wiser

And the yesterdays have been forgotten

On the backs of lovers come and gone

We live two different lives now

And I’m glad it has all been done

The petals and the anger of a year ago

Have been lost inside

Somewhere along the way

Now I’ll accept a drink

In the company of others

And Ill taste their lips

As though there were no others

And I’ll ignore the pain

That I may receive

And I’ll just count my days

And I’ll count my hours

Till my judgement comes

And I’m discovered.

A KISS WITHOUT WORDS

By A R J Abranson

26-12-93/21:35

(Taken from 'Wild Card Symphonies')

Welcome To My Mind

Walking through the crowds

All towering above me

With the blood of newly cut wrists

Dripping to the gutter

Like red rain falling from the sky

Welcome to my mind.

Grey and derelict buildings

Housing the suicide children

Clinging to their mothers

With worms and scars, and a little laughter,

Hoping to blow it all away

In one sweet moment of pain.

Don’t let me down

Into the empire of my thoughts

To the haunts, and fetters, in my mind.

I would rather see you leave

Than to take you further in.

My wounds are only sentimental

Compared to the belief of my sin.

Welcome to my mind.

WELCOME TO MY MIND

By A R J Abranson

01-06-95/00:37

(Taken from 'Cry To Me')

Perfume & Wine

I can’t believe I’m feeling like this

There’s something left hollow inside

Left empty and open wide

So all can see my pain and loneliness.

I can see the stains

Of my tears on the mirror,

Of my blood mixed in perfume.

Who needs to hear lies.

Today is the last day

That I’ll write these words,

That I’ll cry these tears,

That I’ll ever feel this hurt.

I don’t want to be replayed

The moments of you leaving me

Or the echoes of your final words

Over and over inside.

So long and fuck you for everything

I’ll try not to remember any of it

And start to mend what you unfixed.

And if I start to believe it didn’t matter

The pain seems to fade

Just a little by the hour,

Just a piece every minute,

I start to rebuild myself from the pieces you left.

I can’t believe I ever felt for you

As I stare at the stains of my loneliness,

Of my tears on the mirror,

Of my blood mixed in perfume.

As I feel the pain sink through my skin

Of shattered glass,

Into my shattered mind.

Who needs to hear lies.

I lay here ruined

At the heart of your destruction

Torn and bleeding, soaked in perfume and wine

And I know today is my last day

That I’ll ever cry tears

That I’ll ever feel pain

And I’ll loose myself because of you

Hereafter, and again.

PERFUME & WINE
By A R J Abranson

30-05-95/19:05

(Taken from 'Cry To Me')

The Tragedy Of Generations

To Manufactured Heavens

You promised me poisoned lips

That would surely lead to more

I’m not interested in that kind of heaven

Tonight I want something real.

I can’t help it,

It’s just the way I feel.

It may be gone by tomorrow

Discarded on the floor

And I’ll be back to my old ways

With temptations leading me astray

To manufactured heavens

With their moments of release

And the touch of poisoned lips.

I may scream and long for a taste

But tonight I abstain.

I must resist. I want to resist.

That’s wrong.

For I crave deep inside

To be allowed heaven tonight

With its pleasures and its touch.

Heaven.

I want it running through my fingers

While I lay naked in the sweat

Caused from previous actions

Of what some call love.

The taste on my lips

Is to me everything at this present time

More real than my blood is

Or the sight of your naked sex

It pulls all of my concentration

My only thoughts are to have more.

More of this fake reality

That I’ve worked so hard to forget

I hear it’s calling as vividly

As the taste that fills my mouth

My body moving towards a door

Something inside,

some repressed instinct,

Wants to find an exit from my addiction

But the rest of me screams no

And it is overcome in waves of self-centred anger

And I return to your side

For another dance

With another face.

TO MANUFACTURED HEAVENS

By A R J Abranson

25-02-93/19:45 + 21:16

(Taken from 'Wild Card Symphonies')