One of the reasons why I keep my LJ entries public and not friends-only is because a number of people who don't have LJ accounts stop by every so often to check up on me. I'm flattered by this. Be it checking my LJ to see if anything's wrong after getting a 'drepressed-Angus answerphone message', old friends, Brazillian friends, fans of SLA Industries or any of the other projects I've been involved with, or new friends whom I've started to get to know better because of correspondance they send me relating to my posts through regular email.

One such friend sent me an email relating to a post I made earlier this week which was a bit 'doom and gloom/woe is me'. As I was replying I thought some of the answers might actually explain me a bit better to all and might also prevent people worrying too much.

I do appreciate the worry, but there's plenty more to worry about than an old goth who should really know better by now :-p

Anyway....on to the mail....


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Thanks for the mail.

Thanks also for keeping an eye on my LJ every so often. Glad you find it interesting/amusing enough to keeping checking up on :-p

**obviously i don't know you very well at all, but when i read things like "In some ways I wish I could just take a few weeks/months off and disappear to refind myself and flush my system of feeling shit (or maybe of feelings in general)" i get a little worried.**

Don't worry too much. I enjoy attempting to disappear every-so-often and getting a bit of peace and quiet away from things. I can't do it as often as I'd like to as I have a very steady job that requires my presence. The price of responsibility is the chains that bind you to one place unfortunately.

I would love to be able to go away for a few weeks/months and either visit old friends who don't live in the UK or spend time just travelling around and discovering new sights, sounds and friends. I'd love it if I could drag a close friend or two with me so we could all have a memorable adventure.

I also feel like I do need a boost at the moment. Nothing is really wrong but I have been feeling slightly stressed recently (possibly because of work, the place where I live, my girlfriend, or a number of other reasons combines...I don't know) and would love to 'have some time off' away from things. Ain't gonna happen though :(

**from reading your postings i know you've been some dark places in your life and occasionally revisit them, but i hope - sooner than later - you'll be able to put that behind you and find some permanet solace.**

In some ways I'd like to in other ways I'm glad I have my 'dark places'. When I was a lot younger I found that I could tap these 'dark places' and use them to feed my creativity. Unfortunately as I've gotten older I feel that my creativity has been drained by the rest of my life and day-to-day dealings. I generally feel more tired than creative these days which is another reason why I'd like to get a 'refresh'. Maybe just going on a complete hedonistic bender would help achieve this. But it'd have to be with the right person/people. I'd love to do a serious few nights of complete debauchery and maybe I should be working towards organising this but one of my best friends (and the person I'd most like to do this with) is incredibly hard to tie-down :-p

**you strike me as a very descent person and deserving of it.**

Thank you. It's partially an illusion though. I'm really a git, well sometimes and depending on who you ask ;-p

**i haven't a clue as to what you might've been alluding to as the other reason you went to see the doctor, but whatever it is i hope it turns out alright.**

I'm sure it will be fine. I think it's probably all related to some sort of stress issues. Time (and possibly tests) will tell.