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I was dumped because.....


Well I am now home although I've just had a succession of arguements with Sarah which hasn't helped my mood at all.

I'm being to wish she'd just f**k right out of my life. It'd certainly be easier to forget and move on.

It appears the main reasons why we are now seperate are because I 'flirt too much' and 'have lots of close good looking female friends'.

I admit I do flirt. But I flirt with pretty much everyone unconciously. Be they male, female or cute furry animals. I don't notice I am flrting and believe me if I conciously tried to flirt it would be a disaster. Also, I am naturally a very friendly and polite person. I'm the weirdo that actually smiles to strangers in the street be they the local tramp, some little old Asian granny, or the local bobby. I think a lot of this is down to the fact that I have always worked in a retail environment where you need to be nice, polite and friendly and part is because I was always brought up to be that anyway!

Just because I flirt does not mean I want to shag the subject of that flirtatousness (or however you spell the damn word).

And on the good looking woman front - I'm actually flattered she imagines this. Yes, a number of my friends are good looking but I hardly think they are a threat to any relationship I might be having. My two closest friends do happen to be girls and also happen to be very good looking. Problem is one of them LIVES IN FRANCE and I see her once a year if I'm inredibly lucky. The other I hardly ever see either and to be honest I think I think of her as a close friend but she probably thinks I'm more of a nusiance!

Christ. I'm now f**king highly strung and haven't got anyf**kingthing to do. Sarah is also now not talking to me AT ALL and is refusing to even pick up the phone or reply to texts so I can't even try and sort things out with her.

I really hope NMA tomorrow night is bloody good. I need to get this out of my system and a good dance/mosh pit will hopefully do me a world of good.



( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 16th, 2004 09:19 pm (UTC)
Oh dear...
...I can barely talk as my throat has taken a turn for the worse so tying is my only outlet!
You do flirt and sometimes it gets near the mark but shouldn't she have broached this with you before splitting up?
Anyway, she's a very attractive girl herself and ought to have a bit more self confidence.

PS I don't think you are a nuisance.
Dec. 16th, 2004 09:26 pm (UTC)
Re: Oh dear...
I know she's attractive, but she doesn't have the confidence in herself (which I seem to find is a common trait in more than one good looking girl).

She didn't mention the flirting to me but she did mention the fact that I have a lot of good looking close female friends a few times before we split up. I don't know how to combat that one as I'm not about to stop seeing friends because my partner is unhappy about it. I tried reassurring her that they were only friends and not anything more than that but it doesn't seem to have helped any.

She also asked how I would feel if she was surrounded by good looking blokes all the time so it was obviosuly playing on her mind a lot.

When you say my flirting sometimes gets near the mark what do you mean? I'm being serious here as I would like to know. Do you mean my flirting goes too far? That I'm in danger of actually pulling? Or what?

Thanks for not thinking I'm a nuisance :-p

And I really do hope your throat starts mending soon. WE NEED YOU!!!!!

:::hugs::: and thanks.
Dec. 17th, 2004 08:59 am (UTC)
Re: Oh dear...
Ok, well, you do say some very 'suggestive' things to girls...I know are just you being you but they may occasionally be inappropriate especially if you know your girlfriend can hear/has a self confidence issue. Maybe if you could cut that out and show her (or your next girlfriend) that these friendships are REALLY purely platonic then maybe she/they would have felt better about it. Just being honest...

PS I will be ok for Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday of next week if you need me...feeling slightly better today and so am SURE that I will be ok after the weekend. But this flu thing has certainly hung on!
Dec. 17th, 2004 09:55 am (UTC)
Re: Oh dear...
"Ok, well, you do say some very 'suggestive' things to girls"
OK, I do. But the people I say them to are close friends who know (or at least I hope they know) that I'm joking and usually joke back. I know I play with innuendos a fair bit but again that's part of my personality not a statement of my morals and/or intent.

I think another issue was that I never fully trusted her and this rubbed off to some extent. We started our relationship as 'a one night stand' that ended up lasting over six months. At the beginning of that relationship she did receive texts and phonecalls from other blokes that she'd met (but hadn't slept with apart from one before me) and that automatically put me on a defensive footing. Becuase she initially tried to lie about it (mainly because she didn't know how I'd react as she'd been with some real bastards before) it never filled me with complete confidence about our relationship - even though she never did anything whilst we were going out.

I do appreciate the honesty Mel. Out of everyone on this Journal you are one of the few people who do actually know me well. We can have a proper indepth conversation when you buy me lunch next week if you're well enough to come back to work. Glad to hear you're on the mend. I feel absolutely wrecked today - and two of the staff have already commented on it. I wouldn't mind so much if I'd actually HAD something to drink last night :(
Dec. 16th, 2004 09:22 pm (UTC)
It's a bugger, and it doesn't matter if you have a chance or the intention. Some women are just going to be uncomfortable with the idea that your friends may be prettier then them. Shame they never see the truth: You would have done something if you had the intention.

I know it's not much help, but I've been there and bludgeoned myself sensless against that brick wall. Breathe deep, dance like a fuckwit tomorrow and remember that the right person will understand your relationships with pretty women.
Dec. 16th, 2004 09:28 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I just think it is a stupid reason to finish a relationship. Now I do think that we would have finished sooner or later anyway because we were beginning to rub each other up on certain issues and had had a few arguements over both petty and not-so-petty things over the last few months. We did also split-up a few months ago only to end up going out again within days.

This time is different though. I think it really is it. Part of me obviously would love to still be with her as many things were very good. Part of me though is very glad it's over so I can move on.
Dec. 16th, 2004 09:37 pm (UTC)
Of course it's a stupid reason to finish a relationship- the actual reason isn't usually the one given. (assuming it's one, not 3 million little reasons, none of which can be aired without sounding petty.. Death by papercuts if you will)
Dec. 16th, 2004 09:41 pm (UTC)
Dec. 16th, 2004 10:01 pm (UTC)
I think Sarah just has really low self esteem and no concept of how attractive she is. She is always complimenting me whenever I see her - but when I choose to compliment her she sounds like she can't believe I really mean it.

I just think she's insecure. I'm insecure too, I constantly need reassurance that my partner loves me! Maybe it's to do with being young. I don't know.

I'm just really sorry you've broken up :(
Dec. 16th, 2004 10:15 pm (UTC)
She does need reassuring, which I was and am more than happy to give. She is very attractive and I'd like to remain her friend if at all possible. But having stupid like quarrels - like the one we had tonight - is not helping.

I really do hope she meets someone who she'll fall head-over-heels with and they do the same with her. She desrves someone who takes her as his world and she does the same. I am really hoping she meets someone who is really nice and treats her well. She's been out with too many bastards in the past and I guess that's one of the things I'm most worried about happening to her in the future now we've split up.

I still care for all my old girlfriends and it always hurts me if something bad happens to them. I'm also very happy when something good happens in their lives. The same goes for friends in general - even those I've now not seen in over ten plus years. It always warms me to know that they are doing well.

Thanks for your comments. Before this evening I think there may have been a chance we'd end up seeing each other again - now I'm not so sure. This is both a good and a bad thing though and I'll look at the silver lining of this cloud like I do most other clouds.

It just pisses me off that we're arguing. And picking arguements about pretty much nothing.

I'm sure I'm just as much to blame though/ It always takes two after all....
Dec. 16th, 2004 10:29 pm (UTC)
It's a good thing. Once you both get over the surprise of thinking like this, you'll see it as a wholly good thing. If you (pl) can get past the wanting to shag stage then you'll both be great for eachother. This whole thing could have been written by me. On more than one occasion.

Whatever happens, it will be alright. I'd suggest a few weeks of non-contact, as long as it can be used to change your approach to eachother. Then slowly try to re-establish friendship. It can happen, but as I assume you know it's bastard hard sometimes.
Dec. 16th, 2004 09:49 pm (UTC)

don't know what else to say, sorry

Dec. 16th, 2004 11:10 pm (UTC)
I'm really sorry things didn't work out :(

That lack of self-confidence things is really hard to work around though, and it's something she will have to learn to work out for herself. No amount of *other* people telling her she's good enough or pretty enough will convince her of it. And unfortunately, until she develops that self-confidence she will have trouble trusting in anyone she has a relationship with, whether or not they have good looking friends. Trust is the key, and without it, there's not much you can do. Not that this makes you feel any better, I know.

So do something nice for yourself over the next few days until you start to feel better on your own.

Dec. 16th, 2004 11:33 pm (UTC)
I wish I had the time (and a little bit of extra money) to do something nice for myself in the next few days or weeks. Unfortunately with the Christmas rush in full swing and the Christmas ritual of buying presents in full bank-hurting mode I have neither spare.

I am going to see one of my favourite bands live tomorrow night though so that should be a pick-me-up.

I'm actually hoping that 2005 will be a lot better than 2004 in a whole load of areas for both myself and my flatmates. This year has been a toughie - which is probably why this split with Sarah is slightly harder than it should be.
Dec. 16th, 2004 11:29 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry I'm so handsome Angus.

I'll take a razor to myself immediately.

It's the hair isn't it?


Dec. 16th, 2004 11:30 pm (UTC)
Re: :)
You guessed it Grim. You are the sole reason for my relationship break-up :-p

You naughty man you.
Dec. 17th, 2004 08:48 am (UTC)
mew, sorry to hear that, hope you feel better soon...
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 17th, 2004 09:57 am (UTC)
I asked her if she'd want me to change and not be myself and she said no, I wouldn't be me.

I actually did try and change for one of my girlfriends (Delphine) but it made me unhappy (and a lot fatter). I am generally a very bubbly, social person and trying to remove my 'flirtacous' side (if you'd call it that) removes part of who I am. I 'flirt' without ever realising it and can't help that.
Dec. 17th, 2004 11:43 am (UTC)
General sympathy vibes from me too.

I remember Sarah sort of chatting to me last B-Movie about this sort of thing. I had to remind her that if you were really after any of the people you flirt with, you wouldn't be so foolish as to do it in front of her. We gamers are devious bastards after all!

Given that you usually snog me when you are drunk, I'm flattered I'm one of the beautiful people you flirt with. :-)

Must meet up some time, can't pop past the shop on the way to work with this ridiculous 9 to 5 schedule.
Dec. 17th, 2004 03:14 pm (UTC)
You never flirt with me. I'm hurt. I'm jst not hawt enough. *staples wrist to forehead*

Seriously though, you are liberal with the hugs and the suggestions and the innuendo. Even though you're usually not talking to me, I hear it and know you're joking. You're a friendly guy, and always have been since I first met you.

Unfortunately some women aren't comfortable with that kind of thing. And I don't think anything you do will change that. Hopefully you can remain friends though. From what I have seen of her, she's a lovely person. (if a little shy)
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )

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