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Devoid...Pt II

(In best Anthony Stewart Head voice...) Previously on "Angus: The Inadequate Messiah".....

Much ranting was had which included the following line:

"You watch, I'll wake up tomorrow and end up being as sweet as pie to person/people again."

I'm now awake. I am however still f**ked off which may, or may not, be a good sign.

In anycase I'm going to go to work and take my mind off things for a few hours. Thanks to everyone who commented last night btw. Just read them and it's appreciated. I wish I could share things more but I find it very hard to put my full trust in people. Mainly because many people seem to be inately untrustworthy or unreliable in the end. There is really no one who knows all about me. Some people have come very, very close (Delphine and Belinda) but it's hard. Letting people inside is difficult because I always feel that one day they won't be there or may not be a friend anylonger and the idea of having someone who knows all about me who then hates me or doesn't talk to me is worse than just keeping things inside. It's the old eternal search I guess.

Hopefully I'll find it one day, and then the Earth will probably be obliterated to make way for a interplanetary freeway knowing my luck :(


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 6th, 2005 11:24 am (UTC)
I dont think anyone finds it easy to put their full trust in anyone. Certainly everyone has differing ideas on trust, some assume it is automatic, others that it is earned *shrugs*
Feb. 6th, 2005 11:43 am (UTC)
I go with feelings usually. If I 'feel' someone is trustworthy I relax a lot easier around them - that doesn't mean that I'm going to trust them with every ounce of my life though :p

I have friends whom I trust and I sadly have friends who I don't trust but still like as friends. There's a whole pyramid of 'Degrees of Trust' that I go by, much the same as most people. It's just the nearer to the top the Pyramid gets it becomes incredibly barren of people. I guess I do have trust issues but I don't want to work them through because by trusting people too freely you open yourself up to be hurt. As it is even Delphine and Belinda have hurt me at times and they are the two people I trust most in the world and who, currently, know me the best. It's human nature - regardless of its meaning or intent. People get hurt. People loose contact. People are people.
Feb. 6th, 2005 02:06 pm (UTC)
Man, just look forward to that trip 'up North' to the wind blasted wilderness of Scotland that you'll be having in the near future. And the untold delights of staying at Chateau Craig in cosmopolitain, hip Falkirk!

Feb. 6th, 2005 02:51 pm (UTC)
Yeah, but that's still AGES away! If I'm not sorted by then I don;t know what I'll be doing :p

I'm looking forward to coming up and seeing you guys. Although the prospect of being out of the country every weekend in March is a bit odd, especially considering my current finances. Ebay here I come....
Feb. 6th, 2005 02:12 pm (UTC)
okay I don't really *know* you in real life, but you seem like you have golden heart, so I'll say this. I've never met anyone, with any superior intelligence who can just trust people easily.

Good people are often hurt and human nature means you eventually build up a proctective wall. Unfortunatly, dismantling the wall (or giving someone the key to get inside) is way harder than building the dammned thing in the first place.

Don't give up hope.

Don't learn to hate, if its' not in your nature, then it's not in your nature.

Address the people who don't deserve to be in your life and re-evaluate your reltionship with them. Learn how to have a personal boundry which you won't allow them to cross. Try not to feel so responsible for other peoples fuck ups (and lash outs). the phrase misery loves company isn't a cliche for nothing.

it's very very hard, but you need to sometimes just let is sllllllliiide...whatever it is. Letting go can give you the energy to focus ont he things that actually matter.

It will make for a healthier angus in the future :D

Hope some of that is food for thought and helps a little.


Next time I see you irl I have you hug you for real , although I'm so small I'll probably only come up to you're knees !
Feb. 6th, 2005 02:52 pm (UTC)
Re: hugs.
Many thanks, your words are definetly appreciated. My knees look forward to seeing you again btw :D
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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