?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Things Men Learn From Porn...

Things men learn from watching porn.....

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than
satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy fucks.

11. People in the 70s couldn't funk unless there was a wild guitar
solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take
his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the
girl isn't disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don't exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the
bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of poo out of
you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a
woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses suck patient's cocks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best
friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before funking the
both of you.

24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him
to remind her to "suck it".

26. Assholes are clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for
all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a
man's trousers and find a cock there.

29. Men don't have to beg.

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one
hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
hsb
May. 3rd, 2006 07:08 pm (UTC)
No. 13 is the point where I find that I am too distracted/irritated by the general crapness of porn to actually get turned on.

You can also add
31. It is acceptable to fuck without a condom.

32. It is acceptable to fuck a woman up the arse, and then put it straight into her vagina without a break *squicks*

H
anyeone
May. 3rd, 2006 07:12 pm (UTC)
*laughs a lot*

There is one there that I actually agree with but I ain't saying which one :)
tooth_fairy
May. 4th, 2006 08:05 am (UTC)
29. Men don't have to beg.

Now that's just not true :p
davywavy
May. 4th, 2006 08:14 am (UTC)
"Oh, go on, please, it won't take long"
tooth_fairy
May. 4th, 2006 08:28 am (UTC)
see

my point exactly, of course men have to beg, it's part of the wonder of the universe that makes it worthwhile to be a girl ;)
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

Latest Month

May 2015
S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31      

Tags

Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow